Given some recent posts by some friends of mine, NinjaMedic and Chris specifically (Wow, that sounded very Soprano’s like), I’ve been thinking quite a bit about religion. Organized religion.
I think I might have mentioned before that I was raised Catholic. I attended Catholic school for nine long years. Two of the people I love and respect the most, my Mom, and my Father-In-Law are devout Catholics. I consider myself Catholic-Light. Extremely light.
I’ve found that I don’t necessarily believe in the drill and ceremony involved in a Catholic Service anymore.
Genuflect here. Kneel here. Make the Sign of the Cross here. I did it for so long that I found I wasn’t putting any thought into it. It was like I was auto-pilot the moment I would walk into church. It didn’t seem right.
And the Saints, don’t even get me started on the Saints.
This Saint will protect you from people breaking into your house, this Saint will help you find the set of keys that you’ve lost for the fifth time this month, this Saint will protect you from the plague of fruit flies that are sure to invade your kitchen if you don’t throw that moldy apple out immediately… That’s never made sense to me. If the first Commandment states (more or less) that God is God and that we shouldn’t pray to false God’s, then why are we praying to St. What’s-His-Name to help us find our way to Hamtramck?
Eventually, my weekly attendance at Mass dwindled down to twice a year on average, Easter and Christmas and that’s mostly to keep my Mother happy. When I’m there I spend most of that hour trying not to giggle while my younger Brother makes up lyrics to the Hymns we’re supposed to be singing. In Polish. (Real mature, right?)
I do, however, live my life according to many of the beliefs of Catholicism. I pray to God. And only God. I believe that everything was created by Him. I try not to lie, I don’t cheat, I don’t steal, I believe in most cases killing someone is a bad thing (on purpose anyway)… I believe that when you do something bad, you should apologize and mean it… Basically “Do your best to be a good person” kinda stuff. I’ve raised my children the same way. They may know jack squat about sacraments and saints, but they sure as hell know that lying, stealing, cheating and hurting people is not right. They go to Church on average twice a year less than I do. As in… They don’t go.
When I was FC’s age I had already been Baptized, made my First Communion and Reconciliation, had been to Church a couple of hundred times, and had just as many Religion classes under my belt. And at the tender age of eight, I had more guilt than any third grader should ever have.
By comparison, FC’s a little behind. And I’m okay with that.
This really bothers my Mom, and it flared up last night during a conversation on whether or not my kids should attend Mass on Christmas Eve. She wants them to go. I don’t see the point. My little girl is three. If I took her I’d wind up bribing her to stay quiet with cereal. My Son does not go to a Catholic grade school, nor does he go to Catechism. I don’t have a problem with either of them going to Mass, I just think that taking them when they’re bouncing off the walls in anticipation over Christmas presents and expecting them to be able to sit still and pay attention might be asking a bit much.
Then she brought up the fact that FC should have made his First Communion a year ago, somehow hinting that he was less of a wonderful child in God’s eyes because he hadn’t… And that I, as a Good Catholic Girl should at the very least have him in Catechism.
I got a little upset.
I’ve been working on teaching him the basics. He might not be able to recite any of the Catholic prayers, but he knows he can talk to God any time he wants to. That’s something that even adults struggle with at times.
I stormed off… Determined to have a conversation with FC that would allow me to feel better about everything.
“FC?”
“Uhm, yeah Mom?” His nose was buried in a book.
“Are you excited about Christmas?”
“I can’t wait!”
“I bet you can’t… Hey, FC, let me ask you a question… Can you put the book down for a second?”
“Sure, Mom. Am I in trouble?”
“No, that’s not it. What do you know about Christmas? Do you know what we’re celebrating on Christmas Day?”
“Uhmmm…” The silence was deafening. He had no idea.
Epic Fail for Epi.
“Well, you know about Jesus, right?”
FC’s eyes light up. “I know he was on crutches, right?”
Now it was my turn to look completely confused. “Err… Crutches?”
“Yeah, he was on crutches.”
“Honey, he wasn’t on crutches… Where did you get that Jesus was on crutches?”
“On that show, the one they show at Christmastime. He walks around with a crutch.”
“FC, are you talking about the movie with the ghosts of Christmas, and the cranky guy, Scrooge?”
“Yeah, that’s the one!”
Under my breath I mumble, “Oh dear. I have some work to do.”
“What Mom?”
“We’ll talk later, FC.”
Kinda funny for an outsider.
My personal opinion is that kids shouldn’t be baptised or whatever until they are old enough to understand what is going on, and the decision should be theirs, and theirs alone.
To someone who genuinely believes, wouldn’t a baptism mean more if they understood what was going on and why they were doing it when it happened?
Conversely, I would be a little miffed if I had been baptised. I’m not religious, so I shouldn’t have been inducted into a religion (luckily, I was never baptised).
Worse yet if I’d been baptised into Catholicism, then decided that I wanted to be a Hindu or a Muslim.
Children should be taught about religion (in a way that means they know that it is their choice, and in a way where at least all the major ones are treated equally), but they should be left to make their own decisions as to which (if any) to follow. They should also be taught (and a lot of people don’t understand this) that to choose not to follow a religion does not mean you don’t believe in a god.
Maybe you do have a way to go with the religious education, but well done for not taking these important choices away from your kids
I was raised catholic (I’m also Polish). I went to catholic school untill high school. We are what you call cradle catholics. I believe in god and JC but don’t buy into alot of the bullshit that the church tries to sell us. I go to mass about as often as you do. I don’t need a building to be close to god! I think we represent the majority of american catholics. As for the saints, thats another issue. I tend to think of them as gods helpers. He has alot going on, so I don’t beleive they are false gods, they are just a lower level of managment. any just my thoughts. JS
Epi,
Thanks…found this really interesting, and I think it’s prompted a post (which may be a while, religion is a touchy subject!)
I was in a very similar situation to the one you’re in regarding kids’ religious education, Epi. It’s tough. One side of my family was Southern Baptist; the other was Church of Christ. I wasn’t particularly religious to begin with, and all the denomination-feuding between the sides didn’t help matters any, so I got as far away from both sects as I could, as soon as I could.
Time passed. I fell in love with a relaxed Catholic. Went to Mass mainly to please his family, etc. You already know that story from your own experience. We shared (and still do) many of the same beliefs, so the whole “whose church do we attend?” issue was moot, except for the wedding. Your blog is not the place for discussion of *that* particular disaster! Problems were caused by both sets of parents. And the officiating priest. (Sigh…)
Then we had children. Whoo-boy, did that kick things up again! We were horrible, terrible, evil people who should be raising their grandchildren *the right way* – meaning in the respective grandparent’s faith. Hubby was going to hell because he “promised the Church he’d raise his children…” yadda yadda yadda. (We figured that “contract”, being signed under duress, was invalid.) We taught the kids the basics of right and wrong, etc., just like you did. Those principles are valid and important, with or without an accompanying religion. We did what we could to educate them about different belief systems and cooperated when they wanted to investigate one or another more deeply, but didn’t push any particular faith on them. (UNlike their grandparents!)
Fast forward: Neither of my now-adult children identify with any particular religion or attend organized religious services, except on rare occasions. One’s spiritual (though nonreligious), goes out of his way to help people, and can be generous to a fault. The other, a non-deist, is serving in the military. The most legal trouble either of them has ever had involved receipt of a traffic ticket or two, so I’d say they turned out pretty much all right without any of the formal religious training the grandparents insisted they had to have!
I’m betting yours will be okay, too. They seem to have a pretty good role model in their mom. ;-)
I agree with you, and feel your pain.
I was born and raised Catholic, hell I was even an altarboy (no, I was not touched in the no-no spot).
As I’ve grown older, I come to find my beliefs, while they mirror the Catholic Church in some things, don’t, and I believe that the Catholic Church is hypocritical when it comes to things.
I haven’t taken Communion in over a year. Rare for me, but last year was the first time I ever walked into a church and felt very uncomfortable.
I’m looking for my balance. I call myself a Roman Catholic in a crisis of faith considering Buddhism.