Mistaking Kindness For Weakness

I’ve been told, often, that I’m too nice.  I don’t know how to say no to people.  It’s something that I’ve really worked on lately, not allowing myself to be taken advantage of.

Unfortunately it’s happening again, and I’m really at a loss as far as how to handle this situation.

My Son is a very bright, very gracious, very kindhearted little boy.  It hurts me to say this, but socially, he’s a little awkward.  I blame myself, he didn’t have any kids to play with when he was younger, he just had his Mom.  He didn’t have that social interaction that’s so important to kids.  He has a difficult time making friends.  When he met J, it was the answer to my prayers.  They became instant best friends.  Nick finally had an ally at school.

A little over a year ago, J’s parents split up.  He and his sister went to live with his Mother.  His Father signed away all parental rights.  Things started to go downhill from there.  They moved from the middle class home in the neighborhood where the kids had grown up to house a few blocks over.  They were evicted out of there within three months.  They moved into a horrible part of town.  They stayed for almost six months before being evicted yet again.  Now they’re living on a street that I don’t even want to drive my car down, let alone let my kid go stay the night on.

Six weeks ago, J’s Mom called and asked if I’d mind picking her kids up from school and dropping them off at their Grandma’s.  Not a big deal, it was a short drive from the school.  The next day she asked if I’d do it again.  She told me that her car was stolen by her boyfriend (!) and that she’d have another car by the end of the week. The end of the week turned into next week, which turned into… Well, six weeks later and she still has no car.

Taking them to their Grandma’s isn’t a big deal, like I said.  Yesterday she *told* me (notice I didn’t say “asked politely”) that she had a fight with her Mother-in-law (the Grandma) and that the kids weren’t going to be able to be dropped off there anymore.  Now they need to be dropped off at her house, their house, 20+ minutes away.

Still, I was willing to do it.  I couldn’t just leave them stranded at the school.

Tonight my phone rang.  It was J’s younger sister, who’s in second grade.

“Epi?”  Her little voice always makes me smile, even when she’s calling me at late o’ thirty at night.  Apparently my number is on speed dial, because these kids call me with reckless abandon at all hours of the day.

“Yes Sweety, what’s up?”

“Mom wants to know if there’s school tomorrow.”  I think she’s chomping on gum, or chewing steak, or something.

“Uhm… I think so.  We’re supposed to get some ice tonight, but I think you’ll still have school.”

“Oh, okay.”

*long pause*

“Uhm, Sweety?  You there?  Do you need anything else?  I need to get She Who Rules and FC to bed.”

“Yeah, Mom says that you need to pick us up in the morning, the Landlord can’t take us to school anymore.”

I sighed deeply.  Twice.  Maybe three times.  It’s not her fault that her Mom who refuses to get an effing job (she hasn’t had one in the three years that I’ve known her) and who lives off of the system can’t figure out a way to get them to school in the morning.

It’s not her fault.  But it’s not my fault either.  For either of us to pick those kids up in the morning we’d have to leave between 40–60 minutes early.  With FC and SWR in the car.

I feel like our kindness has been mistaken for weakness.  I feel like we’re both being taken advantage of.  She has a Mother-In-Law blocks away from the school who could pick them up in the morning or who could taken them home after school (or at least allow us to drop them off at her house) and because of some stupid argument (and it has to be stupid, I mean these are your kids and their education we’re talking about.  Unless there is some sort of abuse going on at the Mother-In-Law’s house, what argument could be so serious that she would refuse to have anything to do with said MIL, considering the situation?)

It’s basically been put to me that if I don’t do this for them, they will not be able to attend their school.  They will transfer to the public school that’s a few blocks away from their new home.  In an extremely rough neighborhood.  A school where these kids who have been through so much already will have to start all over.

Holy Hell.

My Mom, for the record, says that I should do it under the condition that it’s for this week only.

My Aunt (who’s opinion I respect, truly, because she’s been in a similar situation) says that I need to tell her “Absolutely NOT.”  She also told me that I can’t save every sweet child that I come across that needs help.

Allow me to pause to rub my temples.  My head is throbbing.

Okay, I’m back.

So here I am, 10:00 at night, and I don’t know what the hell to do.  Those kids need to get to school somehow.  If I tell her “NO” then God only knows what will happen.  If I do it, my kids have to get up EVEN EARLIER than they do now, and I’ll probably be doing it until the end of the school year.

I want to teach my children kindness.  But at the same time, I want them to know that they should not allow themselves to be taken advantage of.  Which is how I feel.

I don’t know what to do.