I bring you a few conversations…
First, this brief IM conversation between my Matty and I.
[23:25] Me: I have eight mosquito bites. And nothing to blog about. Can I blog about my mosquito bites?
[23:25] MedicMatthew: sure!
[23:25] Me: Yay!
[23:25] MedicMatthew: oooh, you could photograph and catalog each one of them and tell us all about how you rate the itching as 15/10 and you’re contemplating going to the ER
[23:25] MedicMatthew: or ED if you’re Whitecoat
[23:27] Me: Oh that’s AWESOME!
No worries, I have zero plans to photograph and catalog my mosquito bites.
Next up, this conversation with my nine-year-old.
Me: *reading out loud to myself* “You are administering oxygen at 15L by NRB to a patient with respiratory distress. If you are using a D cylinder (cylinder constant, 0.16), which reads 1500 psi, how long will it take before you have to replace the cylinder?”
*I pause to think*
“What the EFF?”
FC: “Mom, what’s wrong?”
Me: “Oh, sorry honey… I’m taking this practice test and… ”
FC: “Okay, so it depends on how much air the person is breathing, right?”
Me: “Well, the oxygen is going to come out of the tank at the same rate regardless of how fast or slow the patient is breathing…”
FC: “How big is the tank?”
Me: “About this big” *Showing him with my hands*
FC: *Reading the acceptable answers on my monitor* “I’m guessing eleven minutes.”
Me: *I guesstimate/Google my answer* “That’s a good guess, honey. It’s time for bed. Go brush your teeth.”
For the record, the answer is 13.8666 minutes. Don’t forget to switch the patient to the main once you’re in the truck or that tank is gonna be dry pretty quick.
Finally, a little talk between a frequent flier patient and myself.
Me: “So why did you call us today, Daisy?”
Patient: “I have a headache.”
Me: “You have a headache. Okay, how long have you had it? Have you taken anything for it?”
Patient: “I’ve had it for an hour or so. I haven’t taken anything yet.
Me: *blank stare*
Patient: “Hey, I called ya’ll half an hour ago, what took you so long?”
Me: “Get on the truck, Daisy.”