I have a post done. Close to ten of them, in fact. Another twenty plus in draft. Countless more in my head.
Unfortunately I’m fried to the point where I need to step back and remember why I do the job I do. What do I get from it? Why did I start? What do I hope to move on to?
I know that the number of my posts have dropped significantly over the last several months. I can’t blame that completely on being fried, but that has been part of it. I’ve put so much of myself into my job and my kids and my writing that I’m losing it now that I finally realize that that being an EMT isn’t all that I thought it would be. It’s not all that I studied so hard for. It’s not all about saving lives. Sometimes it’s about being woken up from a sound sleep after running for 17 hours straight. Sometimes it’s about getting hit over the head by your own clipboard by a savvy ER nurse because you dared to bring in a frequent flier. (Yet again). Sometimes it’s because you’ve figured out that that even the Medics aren’t completely ready at four in the morning. None of us are always on our game. I’m finally figuring this out.
And quickly.
I’m sure that several good nights of sleep will help considerably… Please just hang with me another couple of days. Let me get my head straight and I’ll be back in full force.
Better than ever, in fact :)
I’m that good. That’s how I roll. Really, I swear! (Okay, lemme check my itty bitty ego.) I’m just trying to make sure that I can accurately convey what I feel while I’m on these particular runs while simultaneously NOT getting sued.
It’s getting increasingly more difficult as the days pass by. For those of you still reading, thank you. For those of you I lost months ago… I’m sorry.
I’m still here. Still a fan.
Heya, don’t worry, still reading! Sorry to hear you’re struggling, I can imagine just how difficult the stuff you guys go through is. I have every faith that sleep will indeed help you see the charm again!
Ditto to What David said… Still a fan :)
I found an AD post that I read when I feel too crispy. It really helps me.
Silent Night
“I came to realize that what we do isn’t life saving. My job isn’t about blood and guts. It’s about helping people”
I’m still here and always a fan. If you lost readers in the last few months, that is their loss.
I know you’re going through a lot right now and those of us who care about you the most are still here for you, always.
Take care of yourself, Epi.
(((((HUGZ))))) We’re still here. And we all can relate!
You might lose me if you keep standing me up! LOL. Just keep your head up, remember we get the chance to make a difference in someones life every time we go to work! JS
It’s thanks to bloggers like you I’m learning the harsh reality of EMS. The real world isn’t easy. Because of your writings and others I’m beginning to put together a hopefully successful game plan for getting into and thriving in emergency medicine. Thanks again for your commitment to your readers. I really appreciate being able to learn from your experiences. I can’t thank you enough Epi!
I know how fried you are right now, just remember the conversation we had a few days ago.
You are such an amazing woman. You’ve come so far. Keep your chin up.
I know who you are, I know you can get past this. Try not to be so hard on yourself for being human, and keep that compassion you have.
You’ve always been a hero to me.
The job that you do makes you very special. Breathe deeply and chill. We need you and they need you to be steady freddie.
POTD, there, that’s a start.
HUGS, lots of ‘em.
Congrats on getting POTD from David!
I always enjoy reading your blog -interesting pieces, great outlook too. Don’t be discouraged if folks leave you though. As someone -or several -above said, “It’s their loss.”
And as to being burned out, “crispy” at times -yeah, I think all or at least many of us can easily relate to that. Jobs, any kind, often have that affect at times on us. Sometimes it is a passing thing and with some jobs, if it sticks around longer than it should, then it could be worth looking into a change.
I have no idea how you do what you do day in and day out and remain (mostly) sane. You (and all EMTs) should be nominated for sainthood. David’s POTD link sent me here and I’ll keep checking back, but if you haven’t written anything for awhile, I’ll still keep checking. Any readers who dropped you – how rude! Their loss!
Just keep going. You’re doing fine…
know the feeling…crispy. i don’t envy the job you have. take time to breath and know that you are providing something many can not. and don’t appreciate until they need it. smiles.
Congrats on the Post of the Day Award!
Hang in there Epi! First and foremost take care of yourself and your family! That’s what’s important right now!
We’ll still be here no matter what!
I’m at that point also, where my employer is sucking the life and the will to live out of me every minute. At least you still write; I’m afraid to write because I don’t want to write in anger.
I understand completely, Herbie. I find myself self censoring so that I don’t appear to be so pissed off.
I’m in a hospital volunteer program. The volunteer coordinator and the ER director put an end to any good reason for being there. I worked 4 nights, around 38ish hours, after they got rid of almost any ability to learn anything. I was doing cool things like learning how to properly clean an ambulance full of blood, watching intubation and IVs getting started. I have no clue how not to put in all that time restocking, cleaning, and running errands without being totally pissed off. The only people who really care about my needs are the ones directly benefiting from what I do.
I’m trying the whole sleep thing by just going to CNA class and not showing up at the hospital. Also I’m documenting everything I do so hopefully I get my learning ability back.
If you ever come up with or find a way of being happy with jobs like yours could you please so kind enough to let us all in on the secret? Thanks!