There is nothing more terrifying than realizing that you are going to be working a code on a baby or a little one.
Particularly if you are a parent.
It doesn’t matter if that child is tossed to you as you roll up in your ambulance, or if that little one is presented to you on a stretcher in the ER with an EMT/Medic making all kinds of promises to whoever they choose to believe in if only that patient’s heart would start beating again.
It’s something that sticks with you. And it should.
You’re a human being, and these are the only true innocent’s in this world. They’ve done nothing wrong.
If it didn’t bother the hell out of you, something’s probably a little wrong in your head.
Know this, your people are here for you, and if you need to talk, we’ll listen. I’ve been through it, unfortunately, and many others have as well. We might not have much to offer other than a hug and a nod, and a listening ear…
Sometimes that’s all you need. God knows that’s what got me through it. It’s the only thing that got me through it.
And ya know what? If you need more than someone to listen, then be sensible enough to go get what you need. There’s no shame in that, and if anyone as much as HINTS otherwise I will personally hunt them done and kick their ass.
Hang in there, Darlin’. You did everything you could. And I had countless other folks with far more experience than myself tell me that, and it didn’t make a difference. I still cried my eyes out. I still had nightmares, and I still hugged my kids extra hard. And I still do. All of them at times.
You are a human being with a heart. You aren’t God, and you don’t have a magic wand to determine who’s worthy to live and who’s not. And you know that.
So go easy on yourself, and know that you did what you could.