That isn’t baby related… (Did I mention how beautiful my niece is?  I did?  Oh, my bad)

I passed my NREMT practical test.

I celebrated by riding on a truck with a preceptor who can take me from near tears to calm with just a look, and his partner, who I couldn’t love any more if she were the sister I never had.

Exactly eight days and six hours from now I’ll sit for the class final.  As soon as humanly possible after passing that I’ll sit for the NR test.

Holy crap, ya’ll.

I Can’t, age 34, passed away July 6th after a long battle with the soul of a Paramedic Student.  I Can’t was survived by parents,  Self Doubt and Intimidation, and siblings I Tried and Maybe Next Time.  She is preceded in death by her best friend, Nevermind.  I Cant’s family will remember her as being a constant downer, fighting to the end to bring her victims down and causing nothing but negativity in the lives of those she touched.  They could not be prouder of the life she lived.

There will be no services or visitation.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the “Infecting the mind of anyone who’s ever been too close to their goal” fund at your local watering hole.

**********

Yep.  I took her down.  So those of you out there (and it’s been made abundantly clear who you are) who don’t think I can do the medic thing?  Ya know what?  Kiss my yankee ass.

Sweetness and light has been thrown out the window at this point.  Those ‘woe is me’ moments?  I might still have them, but in the next 19 days I plan on destroying them as well.

Ya know what, “I Can’t” and family?

Screw you.

I might still shake, but I have this.  I got this.

And after I take care of my patient, your ass is mine.

And I can’t sleep.

The one goal I’ve had in the last five plus years is to be a Paramedic.

Yeah, for some of you out there, I know that doesn’t sound like much.  Some of you have been working as Medics  for longer than I’ve been in EMS.  In some cases it’s five times as long as I’ve been a Basic.  Some of you have forgotten what this feels like.  Some of you have never felt this way.  This is just me being very real.

This is not just some job to me.  It’s the only thing (other than my little ones) that means anything to me.  And I’m *THIS CLOSE*….

And I’m terrified.

I’m no longer worried that I’ll finish.  I’m worried about being set loose with a P card.

I don’t want to be half assed at this.

I don’t want to be merely adequate.

I’m not cool with just meeting the minimum standards. I believe the standards should be set HIGHER.  And at the same time, I want to exceed those standards.

I know I’m rambling… This is what happens when I have enough time to step back from my situation and take everything in.

I have three weeks left before my final.

21 days.

That’s it.

Oh…my… Goodness.