Today I was able to play with care for the most beautiful 6 month old little girl. She melted my heart… Constantly trying to eat my name badge, playing with the leads to her monitor, daring you to not just adore her with her big blue eyes, blonde curls and infectious laugh. She was sweetness and light all wrapped up into a perfect tiny little person.
Today I was honored to take care of a nine-year-old boy with a list longer than I am tall of health issues. Close to my Son’s age, with his same hair and eye color and build, I couldn’t help but put Nick in his place. I was able to help bathe him, change his briefs, and soothe him during an uncomfortable procedure. I was able to sit and talk with his parents about what his every day is like, as well as what it’s like to have a child with special needs. I saw the exhaustion in their eyes, sure, but I also saw their absolute adoration of that little man.
Today I was able to bond with the pregnant mother of triplets. We talked about her nail color (we both love obnoxious nail polish colors), her decision to not name her daughters and son until she actually saw them with her eyes, where to find the cutest baby clothes, and finally, what it was really like to have two children already with three on the way at the age of 22. She trusted me enough to allow me to observe her cesarean and hold her hand while her epidural was placed. I watched while three tiny new lives came into the world and was able to run back and forth between the operating suite and where the babies were to report to Mom who was screaming the loudest, their weights, and in general how they were doing. I was able to tell her how absolutely beautiful they were and saw the love in her eyes for them. It was probably one of the most amazing experiences I’ve had in EMS, and I wasn’t even in the back of an ambulance or in a patients home when it happened.
Today I saw a little one, not even a month old yet, fighting for his life because of something that one of his parents did in a fit of rage. I felt my fists clench when we were finding out what really happened to this tiny angel. I found myself constantly remembering that I needed to not focus on the parent who did this, but on the one who really counted. Instead of coming up with ways to injure the guilty party in my head, I focused on learning about the ventilator that was breathing for him. I focused on learning as much as I could about what his care would consist of, and what signs and symptoms I could look for in the field in patients who had the same type of injuries.
Today I came home from work physically exhausted and mentally fried and wanting nothing more than to hug my children as long as I could.
I know I’m in the right place. I just thought that five plus years would be long enough to be used to the roller coaster.