For the ones I love.
I was reading one of Michael Morse’s posts over at Rescuing Providence when something hit me…
I’m fantastic at communicating with my patients, their families, and my partners at work. For the most part my coworkers know exactly how I feel at any given time. I can extract the truth from my kids quicker than the most highly trained military operative. They know exactly how I feel about them.
But the others… My closest friends, my Brother and Parents, and those other loved ones… Those who know and love me the most, Christ, I’m a colossal ball of fail.
I’m learning that I don’t know how to talk to them. I can write about how I feel. I may not be the most eloquent person in the world, but I’m not afraid to type what I’m feeling. I just can’t say it, apparently. I can post about it, I just can’t say it. Or type it out in an IM oddly enough. This bothers me to no end.
As a matter of fact, when something is bothering me, or scaring me, or intimidating me, instead of talking about it… I run away and hide. Kind of like my three-year-old.
I need to work on that.
The side of me that wants to stay positive says that at least I’m getting it out of my head… The realistic side says that this is something that needs to be fixed post haste.
Unfortunately I have no idea how to do that.
So for those of you who feel slighted because I haven’t been around lately, I apologize. For those of you who have suffered the wrath of an IM from me at a particularly weak moment… I’m so unbelievably sorry. (I promise.)
All I can say is I’m working on it. I am.
