“I’ll take ridiculously random and boring for 500, Alex!”
*The crowd goes wild*
“The answer is, what’s cold, white, and is currently pissing off most of the drivers on the road in Toledo?”
I think I can almost hear McHottie yelling from across the city, “Who is Epi, Alex!”
Wrong, McHottie. It’s the white stuff. Snow snow snow snow snow.
There are actual bushes, elevated flower beds, and a porch under there. They were clear yesterday, btw.
My flower beds. Under two feet of snow. Christ, I hate Ohio.
I’m just glad I didn’t have to shovel it. After getting stuck in the street and having to be shoveled out so that I could turn back into the driveway, McHottie was sweet enough to offer to pick me up, curbside, in the ambulance.
I love working on an ambulance. Even if it’s a truck I’ve actually been transported on before.
(Reposted from the archives)
The late season snow storm took no one by surprise… Winters in Ohio are notorious for being frigid, snowy, and lasting clear into Spring. The Meteorologist had been on TV for the better part of the day warning us that we could expect a decent amount of the white stuff to come down in the early evening hours, starting during rush hour.
I was 33-weeks along with She Who Rules and had an OBGYN appointment that afternoon. FC went with me. Mr. Epi was working, and FC always loved to see the ultrasounds. I was aware that snow was coming, but I’ve lived in Ohio for most of my adult life. Driving in snow and icy conditions is nothing new to me.
The snow was starting to come down as we left the Doctor’s Office. It was moderately heavy and quickly accumulating. With my stellar snow navigation skills I made it home in ten minutes. Well, almost.
I was sitting at the corner waiting to turn left, one block short of my house when some jackass nailed my car from behind, sending the car with me and FC, spinning.
The car came to a rest 180 degrees from where we started. My heart was racing. “FC, buddy, are you okay?” I turned to the back seat to see him sitting there with a wild look on his face. He had his seat belt on, he was okay.
“Mom what just happened? Did someone hit us?” Truly, he was more excited than scared.
I unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car. “Yeah buddy, someone hit us. ” I looked around for the car that I was SURE would be sitting just up the street, or backing up to make sure we were okay, just to see him speeding down Eleanor Blvd.
Then pregnant Epi got pissed. I wont repeat most of what I was alternating between yelling and mumbling under my breath, because truthfully, it was not something that should have been said in front of a five-year-old. And again, it was not a proud moment for me as a parent. I wanted to run down the street, find the guy who hit us, and kick his ass. Army style.
The nice guy who lived on the corner at the time came out of his house to check on us. “Ya’ll okay? Did he take off? Oh… You are VERY pregnant, aren’t you?”
Clearly. “Could you call 911 for me?” I was standing outside in the snow, no coat, ultrasound jelly stained on my shirt, in all my pregnant glory.
Friendly neighbor looked nervous, “You’re going into labor or anything are you?”
“Oh God no, my neck hurts a little, that’s all.” Well, my whole body hurt, but I was pretty pregnant. I went back to the car and sat next to FC in the back seat of the car while Friendly neighbor called 911. FC was very brave. We could hear the sirens coming within minutes.
FC’s eyes grew huge, “Mom, the firetrucks are coming, aren’t they?”
The firetrucks were coming, the LifeSquad was coming, and two police cars were coming. Basically, the Calvary was on it’s way, code 3. “Yes, Baby, the firetrucks are coming.”
I just wanted to make a police report… that’s all…
The engine arrived a minute later and immediately left. The LifeSquad stayed. Two Paramedics came to the car.
“Ma’am, how far along are you?” Paramedic 1 asked as he pulled a small notebook out of his pocket.
“I’m 33 weeks… Look, I’m really okay, my neck hurts a little, but I’m okay. We just wanted to make a police report for the –”
“Your neck hurts?” Paramedic 1 cut me off.
I nodded. “Well it hurts a little, it’s not horrible.” First mistake. I didn’t know any better. I can’t blame him, he was doing what he thought he needed to do… And as an EMT now, I would have done the same. Neck pain plus MVC buys you a board. Anything else will cost you your cert.
Medic 2 was assessing FC. For his part, he was asking plenty of questions. She was excellent with him. She distracted him as they told me that I needed to be boarded and collared and showed him the Ambulance as they slid me out of the car on the board.
I looked up at the Medic as he taped my head down. “You really think this is necessary?” The lights from the ambulance were bouncing off of the trees and houses and in general, making me nauseous.
“Well, Ma’am, yes I do. You have neck pain, you’re pregnant, you could have a fracture in your neck, and you really need to at least be monitored in the ER.” Then he taped right over my eyebrows.
Well at least I wont have to worry about that waxing I had scheduled for next week. Did he just call me Ma’am?
A private ambulance service arrived shortly to transport me. A petite blond female and a tall male EMT appeared above me. They exchanged pleasantries with the Medics from the ALS-only LifeSquad from TFD.
That’s when it happened.
Medic 1: Do you guys need some help lifting her?
Female EMT: Yeah. Looks like she hasn’t missed a meal lately.
Okay, this is where Epi from now has to look back and say WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE THINKING?
I was CLEARLY pregnant.
Three days after the accident Yes, the pregnant overalls are HAWT, right? They hung on me like a tent in every area but the belly. Like I said, clearly I was pregnant. This EMT’s one comment upset me to the point where I couldn’t speak for most of the ride to the hospital. I’m sure the only reason I didn’t verbally attack her on the spot was because my son was with me. Was she exhausted and cold? Probably. I don’t doubt that considering the storm.
When I came across her almost a year later, as a fellow EMT, I took five minutes in an EMS room to remind her of who I was and the importance of watching what you say in front of a patient.
So… I’ve come full circle. Yesterday, I drove around, in the snow, in the front of the truck I was transported in almost four years ago. Well, I should say that McHottie drove. I sat in the passenger seat and kept my eyes closed or distracted myself by sending text messages to everyone I know. He did really well too, given the idiots on the road and the conditions in some areas.
Still, I’m holding out hope that the Groundhog does the right thing on Monday.