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In Lieu of Actual Content…

I bring you a few conversations…

First, this brief IM conversation between my Matty and I.

[23:25] Me: I have eight mosquito bites. And nothing to blog about. Can I blog about my mosquito bites?
[23:25] MedicMatthew: sure!
[23:25] Me: Yay!
[23:25] MedicMatthew: oooh, you could photograph and catalog each one of them and tell us all about how you rate the itching as 15/10 and you’re contemplating going to the ER
[23:25] MedicMatthew: or ED if you’re Whitecoat
[23:27] Me: Oh that’s AWESOME!

No worries, I have zero plans to photograph and catalog my mosquito bites.

*********

Next up, this conversation with my nine-year-old.

Me: *reading out loud to myself* “You are administering oxygen at 15L by NRB to a patient with respiratory distress. If you are using a D cylinder (cylinder constant, 0.16), which reads 1500 psi, how long will it take before you have to replace the cylinder?”

*I pause to think*

“What the EFF?”

FC: “Mom, what’s wrong?”

Me: “Oh, sorry honey… I’m taking this practice test and… ”

FC: “Okay, so it depends on how much air the person is breathing, right?”

Me: “Well, the oxygen is going to come out of the tank at the same rate regardless of how fast or slow the patient is breathing…”

FC: “How big is the tank?”

Me: “About this big” *Showing him with my hands*

FC: *Reading the acceptable answers on my monitor* “I’m guessing eleven minutes.”

Me: *I guesstimate/Google my answer* “That’s a good guess, honey. It’s time for bed. Go brush your teeth.”

For the record, the answer is 13.8666 minutes. Don’t forget to switch the patient to the main once you’re in the truck or that tank is gonna be dry pretty quick.

**********

Finally, a little talk between a frequent flier patient and myself.

Me: “So why did you call us today, Daisy?”

Patient: “I have a headache.”

Me: “You have a headache. Okay, how long have you had it? Have you taken anything for it?”

Patient: “I’ve had it for an hour or so. I haven’t taken anything yet.

Me: *blank stare*

Patient: “Hey, I called ya’ll half an hour ago, what took you so long?”

Me: “Get on the truck, Daisy.”

Posted by epijunky on July 2, 2009 • Filed under: Blogroll, EMS, Family, Me Stuff

First Reaction…

4 comments

This should be interesting as I’ve been drinking :)

Oh, and btw, I stole this from AdCy. Thanks :))

1. Cigarettes: Thank you!
2. Sex: *sigh*
3. Relationships: Drama.
4. Your Last Ex: Oh Jesus. There’s a story.
5. Power Rangers: Random? Wasn’t there a pink one?
6. Crack: Is whack.
7.. Food: Not really hungry, thanks.
8. The president: Hope for the best, expect the worst.
9. Cars: Road trips SUCK.
10. Gas Prices: Grateful they’re not higher.
11. Halloween: Michael Myers is creepy as hell.
12. Bon Jovi: He has GREAT hair.
13. Religion: Catholic, turned non-practicing Catholic, turned practicing Catholic.
14. Myspace: Great way to kill your career.
15. worst fear: Something horrible happening to my kids.
16. Marriage: I’m without words.
17. Paris Hilton: Stretchmarks around her mouth. That’s all I’m saying.
18. Brunettes: I may or may not have been one at some point….
19. Redheads: Have a temper.
20: Politics: I need to learn to shut my mouth.
21: Pass the time: What time?
22. One night stands: I’m not 21 anymore…
23: Cell phone: I love my new pink blackberry.
24: Pixie Stix: If my kids had a million of them at their disposal I’d still limit them to one a day.
25: Vanilla Ice cream: Boring. Peanut butter and chocolate from Baskin Robins please?
26: High school: Ghetto.
27. Pajamas: could live in them — (me too AdCy!!!)
28. Wood: Fireplaces and campfires. I’m a fan of both.
29. Wet Socks: Are a quick way to tear your feet up.
30. Alcohol: Might be my friend tonight.
31. The word HATE: Should be reserved for extreme cases.
32. Your best friend: is my baby brother.
33. Money: Money? Who has that? Any why am I looking at shelling out 6K to repeat the medic program?
34. Heartache: Can shake you to your very core. I’m living there, right now.
35. Love: My family. Love the career that I’ve chosen.
36. Time: Wish I had more of it.

Posted by epijunky on June 13, 2009 • Filed under: Blogroll

Hello… Brain??? (Shamelessly stolen from Bernice)

6 comments

1. What color is your toothbrush?

Pink and white

2. Name one person who made you smile today?

A Hospice Patient who I took in over a week ago. She’s doing better than she was the last time I saw her. I told her she looked good… Her response? “Not bad for a dead chick!!!”

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

Trying to convince my little girl to go back to bed. I didn’t sleep so well last night.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Sitting here staring at a blank post screen.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

I can’t eat them. But if I could…. Snickers. Hands down.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?

I may or may not have thrown a five on the stage and drunkenly said something about “Buying that poor girl a sammich”. I’ve taken one stripper out of one in full c-spine as well.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?

Stop tormenting your sister!

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

I’m starting to think this is biased towards people who can consume sugar.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Coffee

10. Do you like your wallet?

It’s itty bitty (and not recognized as a wallet by McHottie) but it gets the job done.

11. What was the last thing you ate?

Graham crackers from the local ER.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

I’ve managed to not spend any money on clothes this week. It’s a miracle.

13. The last sporting event you watched?

The Mudhens home season opener. Here’s 2 pics for those of you not on my facebook:

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Yep. I caught a foul ball. Or a fowl ball. Get it? Fowl Ball? Mudhens? *taps on mic* Is this thing on???

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

I’m a fan of theater popcorn. Butter and salt, baby. Good thing I don’t go to many movies…

15. Last person to send u a text message?

*waves to Matty*

Wheres # 16?

17. Do you take vitamins daily?

No, and I’m supposed to. Epic fail for me.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

I haven’t in a long time, and I’m not proud of it.

19. Do you have a tan?

Hahahahahahahaha…. *breathes* Hahahahaha. Seriously? I’m an anemic Irish chick. What are the chances that I ever tan? I’m practically translucent. I have perfected the perfect burn, however. I turn a deliciously painful shade of red.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or Pizza?

Chinese?

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

If it comes with a straw… I don’t go hunt a straw down for a can of diet pepsi…

22. What did your last text message say?

“You might want to avoid that!”

23. What are you doing tomorrow?

Duel/Dual birthday parties. Should be fun! I hope anyway.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

A washer and dryer. Very exciting.

26. What color is your watch?

My lucky watch is silver with a blue face. The one I wear at work is tan…

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?

It depends… What does Australia sound like? In all seriousness, I think of my cousin who lives there, and of David from Authorblog. And the Wiggles. God, I miss Greg the Yellow Wiggle.

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

If I’m in my car I go through the drive thru. If I’m in the ambulance, it gets parked and we walk in.

30. What is your favorite number?

Eleven

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?

My Baby Brother.

32. Any plans today?

Celebrating a few Birthday’s…

33. How many states have you lived in?

Ohio, Colorado, South Carolina, and Georgia.

34. Biggest annoyance right now?

Apathetic coworkers.

35. Last song listened to?

Cross My Heart by George Strait

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I’m sure I can, but it would take awhile…

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?

Yes, and they wash my Porche and give me foot rubs as well.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

My Livestrong Nikes.

39. Are you jealous of anyone?

Not really, no. I’m kind of past that.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?

As my sister from another mother, Bernice said… That’s absurd. Come on now, it’s me.

41. Do you love anyone?

Yes I do. I love a lot of people. I’m chock fulla loooooove.

42. Do any of your friends have children?

Yes.

43. What do you usually do during the day?

Work, take care of my babies, and overthink things.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?

There may be a person or two whose graves I might dance on.

45. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?

What kind of question is that? Of course I do.

46. What color is your car?

Black.

47. Do you like cats?

No. I despise them with the intensity of a million hot burning suns.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?

Several someones.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

Never been to a Six Flags, but I have been somewhere infinitely cooler. Cedar Point, baby!!!

50. How did you get your worst scar?

Surgery. Twelve inch scar down my chest. Safe to say I’ll never wear a bikini :)

Posted by epijunky on April 18, 2009 • Filed under: Blogroll, Me Stuff • Tagged: Bernice, Meme

EMS Today…

14 comments

What a weekend.

I laughed, I cried, I tacklehugged.

The convention itself was like nothing I’ve ever seen before… I thought Partner’s for Life was a decent sized EMS conference.

Oh to laugh.

I’m going to save my thoughts on the convention for tomorrow, after I’ve had more than three hours of sleep in one night. Tonight I’d like to focus on the drive down, the company I kept while in the city of Baltimore, and the return trip home.

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Apparently there are windmills in Pennsylvania.

The drive down, despite the damp chilly weather, was stunning. It took about eight hours in total, five of those hours took me through the Appalachian mountain range. It’s truly gorgeous country. I found myself wanting to stop and take pictures almost constantly, each turn revealing sharp drop offs, steep inclines, and an increasing number of impossibly high peaks. Like Mother Nature’s own personal rollercoaster, the entire area is a metaphor for what my emotions have been like for the last year.

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Somewhere in Pennsylvania.

No stopping allowed. All of the pictures on the way down would have to be from the car. Not the most responsible thing to be doing while behind the wheel, I know. I had somewhere to be, and I was running extremely late. (I can practically hear those who know me saying “Yeah Epi, what else is new?)

After hours of mind numbing solo driving, spotty cell phone reception, and Pennsylvania Turnpike tollbooths, I turned a left turn and found myself Breezewood, PA. Breezewood is located on a one mile stretch of I-70 that wasn’t built to Interstate Highway specs (countless gas stations, truck stops, and traffic lights might be the reason). Here’s a little known fact for you: It’s one of only two stretches of interstate in the US with traffic lights. I should have stopped and bought a tshirt!

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Does that sign actually say Baltimore? The end is in sight! (Breezewood, PA)

After following the endless line of vehicles through the maze of traffic lights and neon signs, I quickly found myself back on a more traditional stretch of Interstate. And quickly approaching Baltimore. Finally.

**********

The Meet Up.

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The Nest (This is the best picture I got)

We had a fantastic time. The Nest is a three story bar located right across the street from the Convention Center and just a block or two away from where the Orioles play at Camden Yard.

Tony, Ambulance Driver, VA PhireMedic, my blog sister Sam (*squeel*), the blogger formerly known as Witness, TOTWTYTR, and the venerable Old NFO and Lou Jordan were in attendance. There were others there as well, and I apologize for not remembering everyone’s name. We even managed to meet the mysterious medic in the wicked cool hat, Maddog Medic. (I’ll take credit for finding him first, thank you very much.)

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Drinks were consumed, stories were told, and everything from EMS to shooting to bacon was discussed. There was much laughter, and that was something a few of us really needed. I felt like I was among friends instantly. It was an honor to be among some of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met.

**********

A few more pictures:

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How YOU Doin’, Maryland Crabcakes? I’m hooked thanks to Sam, now where do I find them in Ohio???

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Just in case you were wondering, Sam endorses Heinz Pourable Mustard.

Posted by epijunky on March 30, 2009 • Filed under: Blogroll, Blogroll - Photography, EMS

Knowing Your Limits…

21 comments

As an EMT, a Mom, and a daughter of an alcoholic, I have zero tolerance for stupidity where alcohol is concerned.

We see it all the time… Someone goes out and slams shot after shot two or three beers (because it’s always two or three,) then jumps behind the wheel of his car, or starts a bar fight, or any other number of destructive idiotic things.

Then we are left to deal with the aftermath of that behavior. It can make you a little crazy after a while. I’m not an angel. I haven’t met a beer I won’t drink, and tequila shots are my kryptonite. That being said, I’m a fan of taking responsibility for ones actions and not drinking to the point where I become a burden on those around me. If that makes sense. Basically, if you want to go out and have a good time, fantastic! Do it!!! But don’t be a moron about it.

This past weekend I was lucky enough to take part in a little experiment. My friends Annie and Burl of the insanely popular Annie and Burl Live invited me out for their first annual Drunk Show. (Okay, so I invited myself, but they put me up for a night anyway!)

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The premise of the show was this:

Every fifteen minutes Annie and Burl would do a shot of some very yummy Patron Reposado. After waiting fifteen more minutes, I (the consummate medical professional,) would do a breathalyzer on both of them and track their results. Lifeloc supplied two law enforcement grade units and the training needed to operate them.

Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow.

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Just because someone isn’t technically drunk does not mean that they can or should drive. The proof is in the numbers above.

It took my hosts between six and seven shots to register as legally intoxicated. Can you believe that? Six to seven shots of tequila, in ninety minutes and they were both still legal to drive. They did say that they felt the effects of the alcohol long before that, and both stated that they wouldn’t drive after the second shot.

While most of the people I know are very responsible when it comes to drinking, we know all too well that there is that group of idiots out there who just don’t get it. And if you don’t know what “it” is, no amount of preaching from me is going to help you.

Those are the people, my father included, who make me think that maybe the legal BAC limit should be lowered. No one should be legally able to drive after slamming six shots of tequila.

**********

I just wanted to take a second to thank my amazing hosts, Annie and Burl, for inviting me to participate in this experiment/public service announcement/night of debauchery. It was a blast, even if Burl made me cry :)

I also want to thank Rev. Rockdog and Kat for attempting to keep things under control. No small fete there, folks. Also, much love to Kimmeh, for being… well, Kimmeh :)

Annie and Burl Live is on Wednesday night from 10pm – 11:30 EST, and Saturdays from 10pm – midnight EST. Come grab a seat at the cool table tonight, I’ll be participating in the critically acclaimed “One Bromance To Give”

Posted by epijunky on March 21, 2009 • Filed under: Blogroll

An Open Letter to…

10 comments

A very green EMT’s who doesn’t realize how green they are.

Hi, Epi here. I was the one you claimed to have trained earlier. (That’s something I’m eager to discuss with you, by the way…) I worked a shift with you not so long ago. Maybe you remember me. I was the obnoxiously tall red head.

A few things. This is coming from love, by the way.

This job is a profession. You should act as a professional. I can put up with a lot, I’ve worked with a good mix of people. I’m extremely patient. The one thing that I can’t deal with is someone who makes those of us who take this job seriously look like unprofessional, uncaring morons. It’s a guilt-by-association kind of thing. I will NOT put up with that. Not to sound like your Momma, but you really should know better.

So, in that vein, let me offer you some friendly advice.

Do not use foul language on the scene in the presence of our patient and their family members. Like I tell my daughter, “Use your words,” and by words I mean the ones that you would hear in G rated movies.

Do not dismiss the family members of my patient in any way. Yes, I realize that sometimes dealing with Family can be difficult. What I mean is, do not order the Wife of a Hospice Patient to sit in the front seat. Do not roll your eyes at me when I tell that Wife that she ABSOLUTELY can ride in back with us. Do not mumble under your breath when the Wife of our patient is questioning the route that you’re taking, especially if I’m also questioning the route you’re taking. It was ten miles longer than it needed to be. That’s all I’m saying.

Arriving at work late and blaming it on the fact that you’re hungover will endear you to no one.

Bitching for the entire shift that the company didn’t need to hire so many “fucking new EMT’s” because you are losing your hours to one of the fucking new EMT’s they just hired (hi, me again) is bad form.

Complaining about the number of runs you’re doing during a simple 8 hour shift is just ridiculous. It’s EIGHT HOURS for crying out loud. This is particularly ridiculous when the number of runs is three. And they’re all transfers. And you didn’t take any of the patients. You have no idea what it means to run your ass off. You wouldn’t have lasted a shift at my last employer. Note the fact that I didn’t tell you that. Because it wouldn’t have helped the situation.

Telling your partner (who has ten times the experience that you have) that “You can take all the transfers, but I’m going to fight you on any emergency runs” is going to just piss me off. Did I say me? I meant that partner.

No, you’re not my Senior EMT. Again, we’re going to have to have a little talk.

Honey, the ink on your card isn’t dry yet. You claim to love this job and the company, and I want to believe you. People are watching you, dear. When you put on that uniform and step out your front door you are representing all of us from the first responder on up. You’re representing everyone from our company. You’re representing everyone in EMS, including me, including some of my very best friends. On the scene, at a hospital, a nursing home, or in someone’s home. You need to get right with yourself. Right quick and in a hurry.

Look, I haven’t been doing this very long. I’ll admit it. I have green and sparky moments. I used to be embarrassed by these moments, but my tribe has convinced me that it’s okay. In this profession there is always something new to learn. There is no need to put yourself out there as jaded, old and salty when you’re clearly not. It doesn’t make you one of the cool people. Trust me on this.

Either knock it the eff off, or TOTWTYTR may have an application you might want to consider.

Respectfully (honestly),

Epi

Posted by epijunky on February 5, 2009 • Filed under: Blogroll, EMS, Me Stuff