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365 Project 01/06/10

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Date: 1/06/10

Time:  1600ish

Subject:  The Cardiac stuff I didn’t get before, I now get.  Woo!

P school has up until now… Well, it hasn’t been a tremendous challenge to me.

Then again I’ve been through it one and a quarter times before, so… Yeah.

Up until now.

We recently started the cardiac stuff.

Yep that. My favorite subject, and probably one of the more complex things we cover in class.  I find it all fascinating and simultaneously challenging.  And let me tell ya’ll, this girl LOVES a challenge.  And I’m finally at the point where I feel like the “why” of it all.

Thank you to my instructor and to my cardiac tutor.  You know who you are.

PS– Painting the walls of your classroom in paint that can be written on with wipe off markers is brilliant.  Just saying.

It's Gonna Be Okay.

12 comments

This week…

I was reminded how hard Medic school is. Yet again.

Everyone suffers.  The kids, the spouse, the paycheck, your sleep, your social life, sometimes, your sanity.

There are just not enough hours in the day to keep everyone happy. It’s not going to happen.  Trying to make it happen is just going to result in you ending up totally fried.

You see things you haven’t been exposed to in the past.  Some of them shake you to your core.  Some of them fascinate you.  There are victories and defeats.  Wins and losses.  Skills you attempt and succeed, and skills you attempt and are unsuccessful at.  As time goes on it might seem like your life has been reduced to a list of tallies.

Holidays you spend with the kids, holidays you miss.
Tubes and IV’s you get, tubes and IV’s you miss.
Tests you pass and tests that… Well, you didn’t do so well on them, but you’ll do better next time.
Labs that you rock, labs that you fail twice.

If you find yourself where I am, know that we’re all there at one point or another.  Know that it’s not going to last forever.  Know that you’ll get through it if you want it enough.

Just do what you can, when you can. Make the moments you do have when you’re not studying, working, at class or in clinicals count.

It’s all worth it in the end.  You know it now, but your people might not.

Cut them a little slack.  And at the same time, go easy on yourself.

We can do it.

We can. And we WILL.

Nerves.

17 comments

The call comes in.

Our truck lurches forward, the lights bouncing and the siren echoing off of the houses we fly past.

“Priority one,” Dispatch says flatly.  “MVA, pedestrian struck.”

The driver steps on the gas pedal, diesel surges through the truck.  I’m just the student in back.  Adrenaline surges through me.

What will we need?

Did we pick up that backboard after we dropped the last patient off?

Where’s the tape?  I know I picked it up, where did I put it?

Collars.  Towel rolls.  Suction supplies.

Where the hell is that backboard tape?

IV supplies.  I’m probably going to need those.

I can feel the truck slowing down.  We’re nearing the scene.  I look through the front window in an attempt to grasp what we’re rolling up on.  I can see a younger female bagging what looks like a child on the street.

Fuck.

Not a kid.  Not again.  Not twice in one week.

I toss the airway bag onto the stretcher along with the rest of what I thought we might need.

He’s laying in the street in a pool of blood.  Laying there, with his blond mohawk and dirty fingernails and Batman tshirt.  With his long eyelashes and chubby cheeks.

My heart breaks.

His lips were already swollen.  Blood was running freely from a large lac on his head that extended down the side of his face.

A crowd is forming.  People are crying.

My hand are shaking.  The boy reminds me of my Son.

I have what we need at my side.  I just pray that this time I’m not called on.

“Epi…”

“EPI.”

“EPI!!!  You have this.”  He hands me the tube and laryngoscope.

I instantly felt my stomach turn.

Focus, girl, focus.

It hits me.  His belly is huge and the BVM is making an awful squaking noise.

“Jeff, take the bag from her.”  He does.

I check my equipment.  Everything is as it should be.

“Stop bagging.”

I hold my breath and open his airway.

Fuck.

That is a lot of blood.

“Suction!” I yell, louder than I mean to.

Sean, a classmate and the partner of my preceptor, does his best to clean out his airway so that I can see something.  Anything.

I take another look.  I see chords, but they’re quickly submerged.

I start cussing.

“Suction him again.”

Fuck.

The patient’s Mother just pulled up.  She’s being restrained by a friend or family member and a police officer.

She’s screaming.

Oh Jesus, please let me get this tube.  Please.

I go in one more time.  I see white chords and I stick the tube in, inflate it, and have Sean listen over the boy’s stomach and chest.

“It’s good, Epi.  Good tube”

Jeff keeps bagging.

I finally exhale. For the first time in four minutes, I’m able to breathe.

Oh thank God.

“Let’s get the hell out of here, please?”

We load and go.

ETA: 6 minutes.  Level 1 trauma center.

“Epi?”

“Yeah Jeff?”

“You rocked that, girl.”

Thanks, Doc.

**********

“We did everything we could.”

“His injuries were…”

“We’re so sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

I doubt that his Mom and Sister heard anything that was said by anyone.  Not the ER nurses, not the Docs, and certainly not us.

Know this, Mom.

I’m sorry.

I did everything that I could.

We all did.

And I wont forget him.

Sick and tired, but not in the ranting way…

9 comments

I am sicker than hell.

As in, for the last three damn weeks I’ve been fighting off the plague, just to have it mock me and take residence in my chest.  Which is phenomenal, don’t get me wrong, but no place for the plague.  (That’s today’s attempt at being cocky. I am a future paramedic after all!)

Now some of you would say that I’m ALWAYS sick.  That’s not true.  For the most part I feel just fine, minus the aches and pains that most of us feel from having to lift  350lb patients and carry them down a few steps without a lift assist.

I’m a fan of Ibuprofen and ice packs.  Just putting that out there.  I should own stock in Advil and Absorbine Jr.

This is different.

Honestly, hand to God, I have only felt worse one other time, and that was when I was preeclamptic with FC.

The little ones aren’t doing much better.  SWR has been coughing for just as long.   At least her fever has broken.  FC is doing a little better, all he has left to deal with is the runny nose.  So yeah, this really sucks.

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Despite being sick, she’s still in the game.

Right now I’m fighting off the feeling to vomit up a lung.

School today?  Yeah, epic fail.  Not even going to tell you how my assessment scenarios went in detail.  Another post for another day.

Epic fail.

So yes, I feel like shit.  Yes, I’m whining.  Yes, my kids, while being so young are actually dealing with the same symptoms like rockstars while I choose to blog about how (boo frickin’ hoo) sick I feel.

It’s how I’m rolling tonight.

Hope you’re all well.  And I’ll post something when I feel less like dog feces.

Be safe out there :)

In lieu of a post I've been promising for weeks…

5 comments

Or months, if you’re Tim…

I give you three more picture from lab.

Tom nasal 3 copy

Tom nasal 2 copy

Tom nasal copy

Meet one of our lab instructors.  He’s clearly not right.  That being said, he’s willing to take a nasal airway for the benefit of our class, and for that reason, I adore him.

And Tim, should that post not be up tomorrow, my next born child will be named after you.

School :)

9 comments

Is going really well, for the most part.  The challenges that I’m running in to I’m overcoming with help from my people.  It’s occupying a huge amount of my time, I will say that.  I seem to be living in my school uniform lately.

This is what we’re currently doing in lab:

intubating copy

Yeep.  That’s me wielding a mean laryngoscope.  Sumdood needs a tube ;)

New post up tonight.  Promise.  Promise promise.

Pass!

15 comments

After countless hours of reading, and rereading, and rerereading one of the most stimulating chapters ever written for a Paramedic text book, I’m happy to report that I passed the test.

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*Does a little happy dance*

Goodbye, Pathophysiology.  While I understand how important you are, you will not be missed.

My new best friend.

9 comments

Today I made a new friend.

She’s been in the business for longer than she can remember and it’s starting to show a bit.  Some of her makeup is dated, and when she gets up in the morning her joints creak.  She aches to be back on the road, but that’s just not in her at this point.

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She’s seen so much, and I respect the hell out of that.  I can only imagine the stories she could tell.  At one point countless pairs of men and women in well worn boots walked all over her.  She remained strong, she carried them, keeping the crew and the patient safe while watching the good and the bad.  She did what she was supposed to do.  And I love that about her.  She saw it all.

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The long trips with a crew member sacked in the back.  The Armor All applied so lovingly to her quilted bench seat.  (No, I’ve never done that.  I…would…never…  That would be… unsafe!)

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I’m sure some of her students have made fun of her from time to time.  The Sparkier ones don’t know any better.  (No dude, you should not crack that portable and “take a whiff.”  Actually, maybe you should :) You know what?  Go for it!)  They don’t see her for the veritable cornucopia of knowledge that she is.

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The truth is that while she’s not on the road anymore, she has significant value.  She’s now a witness to future Paramedics.  She’s going to see us at our best and our worst.  She’s going to carry us while we sweat our asses off in front of fellow classmates and instructors and are in general nervous as hell.  Even if it’s just a check off on something as simple as suctioning.

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She’s going to be there as some of my classmates drive an ambulance for the very first time.  And that’s a very cool thing.  She’s probably going to feel it the next day, particularly as some of them take railroad tracks at 45 mph, but she’ll take care of them.  She’ll still stop when you hit the brakes and she’ll run like a stolen Mustang when you hit the gas, and that’s amazing considering her age.

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And she won’t laugh at us.  She’ll sit back and let us play with the switches while some of us figure out what exactly does what.  It’s important to know that, yanno.  (For the record, always know how to turn the lights and the siren on and off before you go on your first real run.  Speaking from experience here, folks.)

So thank you, 553.  I’m going to do my best to make you proud.